MOTEL ROCKER

“MOTEL ROCKER” began in 2022 as I became interested in liminal spaces, particularly digital ones, as I was living in motels for a short period of time. Intended as an intermittently updated, half diary half unofficial archive, I wanted to keep track of the inspirations and concepts behind my and other artists works in no particular manner whatsoever. “MOTEL ROCKER” occupies a one-page website with no date or time indicators as to when updates are posted.

    "that prompted my interest in atrophies.
    decay and degradation (of both mind and interpersonal connection) is a terrifying and confusing experience."
    from a writing for class    **update was in a show with decay in the title and now I don'tlike that word I prefer atrophy or degradation

    at the beginning of my performance art class, we were assigned ‘The Hunger Artist’ by Kafka.

    “…the act of wondering is to be just beyond what you know. your brain is stubborn, and it wants to understand, derive, clarify, and categorize.our sympathetic nervous system, when operating in a state of wonder, slows down. this biological response is uncharacteristic of any other positive human emotion.wonder is a driving state, an active state. our brains are more capable of perceiving and identifying new information- in short, we are better learners when we wonder.to be queer and female is, in a lot of ways, to live in a perpetual state of wonder. the constructed patriarchal world does not align with what we have always known to be our truth. there is a perpetual cognitive dissonance between you and the world you live in, and the attempts to categorize, define, and “tame” queerness and femininity that disparage authenticity…”
    (Source?)

    Death as abduction by Divinity
    is it gentle/or does it manipulate/is it intimate to be taken away so swiftly

    I saw a play from my brother's friend's company called the Firebird Project in NYC, the play was called “Boy My Greatness!” — it was about the boys playing women in Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre. Almost no set, only 6 actors/actresses. It was a really poignant journey into the fluidity of gender and identity and I found it deeply moving and meaningful despite its minimal presentation. I don't know much about theater. Questions: what does it mean to play a role? are we blurring the lines between persona and personal identity? what does it mean to perform?

    PALLOR MORTIS TEXAS
    references
    Shedge R, Krishan K, Warrier V, et al. Postmortem Changes. [Updated 2023 Jul 24]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK539741/
    Schäfer AT. Colour measurements of pallor mortis. Int J Legal Med. 2000;113(2):81-3. doi: 10.1007/pl00007713. PMID: 10741481.    https://communityimpact.com/austin/news/2013/09/16/antioch-colony/https://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/entries/antioch-colony-tx
    Laurie E. Jasinski, “Antioch Colony, TX,” Handbook of Texas Online, accessed February 04, 2026, https://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/entries/antioch-colony-tx.
    Published by the Texas State Historical Association.    https://www.sapiens.org/archaeology/antioch-colony-texas/Austin American-Statesman, September 30, 2000. Jo Ann Elam Hearn and Dorothy Wimberley Kerbow, comps., Hays County, Texas Cemetery Inscriptions, Vol. 1 (San Marcos: Hays County Historical Commission, 1990). Frances Stovall et al., Clear Springs and Limestone Ledges: A History of San Marcos and Hays County (San Marcos: Hays County Historical Commission, 1986).Franklin, Maria. “‘I’m Proud to Know What I Know’: Oral Narratives of Life in Travis and Hays Counties, Texas, c. 1920s-1960s,” n.d.

    archives are a unique and irreplaceable heritage passed from one generation to another. Archives are managed from creation to preserve their value and meaning. They are authoritative sources of information underpinning accountable and transparent administrative actions. They play an essential role in the development of societies by safeguarding and contributing to individual and community memory. Open access to archives enriches our knowledge of human society, promotes democracy, protects citizens’ rights and enhances quality of life.
    from ica.org    I don't think this is incredibly authoritative ! Liminal diary archive hybrid maybe but interested to learn about what an archive is fr

    this church I used to go to when I needed to not be at home was abandoned, I've always wanted to know more about it and digging into it added another layer onto the project especially because of the title like pallor mortis is more evident in fair skinned people and it's the target audience of this work honestly so the history is beautiful and tragic to me - telling people about it was cool because they were responding to the knowledge of something (while relatively ambiguous) that might have had a positive impact that long ago.

    -what is critical infrastructure?
    -who decides what is critical to the nation?
    -what underpins american society?
    -what is a hazard?
    -why are pro activity and coordination important for rapid recovery?

    construction materials, abandoned and broken objects
    why plastic and metal and glass etc

    /

    my recent hospitalization has me investigating both my previous work and my future work- using color to communicate emotion and flow